Expanders, You Say?

!! Warning: this post contains a picture of medical bandages, some of my exposed skin and drains. Don't proceed if you're grossed out by such things. !!

When I told most people that I was headed back into surgery in September, the response was generally, "What? I thought you just had surgery..."

Well, yes, yes I did... but there's more to do. 

Breast cancer is a curious and frustrating thing to treat because most patients end up treating two things at once - of course you are taking the steps to minimize/remove/diminish the cancer but also attempting to rebuild your body. At this point in time, I am NED - No Evidence of Disease. (I'll talk more later about how that's a more appropriate term than "cancer free").* All remaining DCIS cancer and areas around my tumors were removed with my bilateral mastectomy and lymph node removal. 

However, due to the area of the body that was affected... I am working towards reconstruction. Even though I said goodbye to my breasts, I was not ready to go completely flat. I can choose to get implants or implants with fat grafting or something called a DIEP flap. I was making decisions left and right and honestly could only mentally handle preparing for the surgery, not life long implications just yet. 

So now I have these things called expanders. Basically tupperware underneath my skin that is gradually filled with saline to mimic the shape of your old breasts or the future implants. Their main purpose now is to hold space and prevent my skin from shriveling away to nothing during radiation. They aren't very comfortable but are getting better every day. 

And why must I still do radiation if I'm free of disease? Because my cancer was in the lymph nodes... trying to get everywhere else in my body. Radiation, and my future hormone blockers, are all modern day attempts to reduce reoccurence. 

This is a picture of me, wearing the Bair Hugger before surgery. It attaches to a tube which blows warm air under your gown, to keep you nice and toasty as you wait impatiently to go into the surgical suite. 

My biggest annoyance with going into surgery again was (1) the mfing drains and (2) dealing with anethesia again. I was very, very sick the first night coming home. I couldnt eat or drink , but was able to take anti-nausea meds and some CBD oil. I had the kind of sleep that one has during the stomach flu... where you're hovering below consciousness, literally feeling like you're holding back the vomit every second. 

The drains were put in different spots, as I'd really only had about a week drain free from the mastectomy. Luckily, one was placed on my stomach instead of my side - so I was able to sleep more comfortably. Those drains are just gross and inconvenient.

But now they're gone! 

I had the added robotics of these vaccuum sealed bandages. I carried around battery packs attached to bandages that offered constant suction. Really smart for reducing infection risks and avoiding surgical glues & stitches.

My scars look WAY better than one would imagine. I also think there's a huge misconception about what the body looks like after a mastectomy, as if there are huge scabs and incisions. I have relatively small "omega" shaped incisions that have already faded to a very light color. 

This is photographic evidence of how f@cking annoying recovery can be. And I can only imagine if you're squeamish or don't have a partner willing to help look at gaping holes in your skin! 

So, I've gone through another hurdle - while life continues to speed by with kids in school, daily reading, daily pick ups, permission slips, dance class and general need to eat food. Tomorrow is my meeting with the radiation department to figure out the logistics of the last big step of active treatment. 

*I have recently learned that it's not quite appropriate to say "cancer free" when it comes to my type of cancer, and probably others. The risk of reoccurrence is high. And removing my breasts didn't really change long term statistics... one can have breast cancer return without having breasts! Fun, right !?! So that's why I did chemo (to attempt to kill all of those unidentifiable cancer cells floating around). Some doctors don't like to promise their patients that they are officially cancer-free, because damn, you just can't guarantee it.*