You don't know until you know... And now I know what it's like to be on the other side of awareness during October. Or Pinktober. Breast Cancer awareness month.
Via my multiple Facebook groups for women facing cancer, the resounding sentiment is that this month is difficult. A reminder for those that are survivors or thrivers. Or confusion over what this awareness is supposed to mean or actually accomplish. Some women are just happy that talking about it may lead another to finally get that mammogram. Some are triggered and some wish we had higher expectations for charities or companies just taking advantage of the chance to sell a pink T-shirt.
I don't like the pink NFL jerseys and I don't like the targeted ads selling me cute catchphrases about being a FREAKING WARRIOR. I want to see more money given to patients and their families, for help with medical bills and the costs of treatment. I want less trite slogans and more attention paid to aftercare. I want the FDA to pay more attention to dangerous food additives and to remove black box labels from estrogen therapy. I want more medical studies for women. We are doing a lot of this treatment wrong for young survivors that are trying to maintain a high quality of life.
The aim of "awareness" is so vague and unquantifiable, when breast cancer is the second most diagnosed cancer. We're aware. I believe it's a nasty loophole for certain charities to collect a lot of money and not really do much with it. We could raise awareness every second of every day - but if we're still pumping our food and skin products full of parabens (which mimic hormones), we're just talking to talk.
I am thankful that my ailments come with an automatic club membership. There is comradery, understanding and a plethora of resources as a patient. My disease is "seen" and many, many other people can't say that if they have something rare or untreatable. It's not lost on me that I will most likely live many many more years only because of the many many women before me, and the research knowledge gained by time and modern medicine.
I had a beautiful bright spot in the month where I'm rolling my eyes at pinkwashed advertisements. My friend, more specifically her daughter, invited me to her volleyball game. Of course I would always want to go but this was the first time she had asked me to come to a game. My brain said... Hey wait a second, it's October, you're in the middle of treatment for breast cancer and usually there's a Pink out or pink jersey game....
And it was. My dear, sweet Girl Scout that I've known since she was in elementary school gave me flowers and a balloon during her game. Tears were brimming on eyelids all around and I was brought back into the reality of why Pinktober might actually be more therapeutic than I thought. I forget how others are watching my actions, behaviors and words about cancer and the realities of treatment. I forget that sometimes we just need a pathway or ritual to mark a moment in time to acknowledge an ongoing endeavor.
October is now my birthday month and stark reality month! All together! I am counting my years and think about how I hope to keep celebrating this birthday month for ummm, lots of decades into the future. Reminder that there's thousands of people out there fighting breast cancer and thousands that had it long ago and thousands that need a moment to remember and honor people that were taken by the disease.
** I know I've blabbed a lot about charities that I dislike, but I'm finding many organizations that provide real solutions to cancer patients and their families. The National Breast Cancer Foundation is a good one! They send this Hope kit if you request one and you can also donate to help. ***
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