Instead of discussing the bigger issues going on today with our government, I feel like complaining about other things. Of course I could write a long post about the sad state of politics and how out of touch our representatives are with real people, and conversely, how out of touch we are with how our government works (let's be honest - a lot of people don't vote or have a freaking clue what the constitution really says). I want to write instead about the prevailing personality traits and behaviors that cause situations like this and other yucky stuff in our lives.
1. Self-absorption. (Says the person posting a blog about her life on the internet). We are all narcissists in some way or another; but some people just take it too far. I live with three major narcissists right now: but I will give them through elementary school to grow out of that. Adults that behave as if they are the first to discover religion, parenthood, wealth, sickness, etc. really get on my nerves. They don't see themselves as a person passing through a particular part of the lifecycle; they are everything at that moment. How do you know if someone is self-absorbed? They talk incessantly about whatever ailments or revelations they recently encountered and act as if it is world-encompassing. They also never ask YOU how YOU are feeling. We are all moving through life, at one stage or another, and shouldn't pretend like we are the only thing that matters.
2. People that talk for others. Instead of saying, "I feel...", they always have to make it into, "We feel...". Families do it, political parties do it, churches do it, parents do it. They make generalizations about how their particular group should feel about issues, and refuse to believe that the world has changed. It doesn't matter how your family or group or church did things 10 years ago, new members have joined, the world has evolved - so now it's your turn to move on too! I know it can be lonely to feel as if no one understands you or that you might be alone in your feelings - but that's life. Speaking for others, and trying to rally everyone behind you when it's not genuine just causes problems.
3. Lack of empathy. This also means to me a lack of understanding or compromise. Good God! If we could only realize for a minute that the person on the other side of the "fence" is not evil, that not every situation is black or white, we could actually speak to each other.
4. Men that talk with disdain for their wives/families. Of course this ties into the greater issue of lack of respect for women. (Okay, women do this as well....I hate snide ladies room remarks about men-hating, it's stupid too!) Need I say more than strip clubs near elementary schools?
But one of the most grating comments a man can say about his wife... reference to the "honey-do" list. oh SHUT UP! The "honey-do" list is supposedly what a woman asks her man to complete on the weekends or his time off from work. Such annoying tasks as fixing items in their home, spending time with their kids alone, making collective decisions together. There is nothing honey-do about it - just because she is asking you to keep up with your life that she supports too, doesn't mean you have the right to complain about it. It's an annoying catch phrase to accompany an annoying sentiment. Your wife is not trying to bother you, she is trying to get you to take care of your shit. (FYI: This is not a veiled complaint about Gregory - he is quite the opposite of this type of husband. But then again, he's a rarity.)
So, those are the things that really bother me. Or at least a few of them.
Yes, I experience the reverse side of this coin a decent amount when I pick Evie up from school. I have to listen to all the moms talk about how their husbands are so incompetent and can't cook/dress themselves/do anything around the house without drooling all over themselves, etc.
ReplyDeleteSo either A) these women married an idiot who can barely manage the brain function to exist on this planet, or B) these husbands are jerks who are pulling a heck of a con to get out of doing anything. Either way, the women aren't blameless since they married these guys.
Shane - I know exactly what kind of conversations you are walking into. Women turn into these pack animals when they get together and it's either a competition of who has the dumber husband or who is the best super-mom!
ReplyDeleteOn one side, I think fully involved fathers (like you or Gregory) are still on the rare side... although it's all about these complaining ladies having the initiative to make things change at home instead of complaining about it. Some men still think that "woman's work" is a real concept.
But to hear anyone talk with disdain for their spouse is embarrassing. Venting is one thing, but turning it into a sport? No thanks.