Why a Boudoir Photo Session Is Good for the Soul

 In the midst of recovering from surgery and making appointments and trying to fulfill summer wishes for a family of 7... I realized it's been six months since my initial diagnosis. I know chemo felt like a lifetime, but has it really been six months? The hardest (or most helpful, honestly) part of life is that it just keeps MOVING. Kids have deadlines for school. We are fundraising for dance. We are trying to travel as normal and not miss *everything* just because my treatments are one hit after another. 

I think back to how I felt in those first weeks and how fearful I was of (1) straight up dying and (2) that my body was going to be completely ruined. I was ready to have major surgery to "solve" my cancer problem. So tearfully, I googled boudoir photographers in the area. Might seem stupid or vain to some - but I wanted photographic evidence of who I was in February 2023. Little did I know that I'd get chemotherapy first and then the surgery I was so trying to avoid. 

First, let me give all of the credit to Elizabeth Snyder photography. I knew she was the one I needed when she returned my initial inquiry with a call stating that she also has had cancer and a bilateral mastectomy. Who else could understand my concerns more? I drove to her house in early March ready for a full makeup and hair session, several outfit changes and the mental preparation to take photos in my underwear! During that time, any drive in the car involved tears and I cried the entire way there, wondering if I was going to look like the wreck I felt inside. 

She made me feel so comfortable and safe and beautiful. It was more than an emotional oasis. Even in the most normal circumstances - I recommend everyone take the time for themselves. I haven't taken photos of just myself since senior year 1998! 

Elizabeth's mission is to empower women and her expertise was very impressive. She took hundreds of photos - so when it came time to choose which images I wanted for my photo book, it was tough. My timeline with her is so oddly connected to steps along this cancer treatment. I chose the photos after chemo was completed - looking at myself with all that hair! Feels like yesterday and a million years ago. I picked up my photo book on the day my doctor confirmed that a mastectomy was the final surgical recommendation. How strange to look at my pictures, where I look normal and healthy, when I was about to basically shred my self image to pieces. 

I could write an entire post about how I'm feeling post-mastectomy. The emotional connection I had to my natural body; the mental gymnastics I am doing to witness what I see in the mirror now - knowing I can't go back, but the future does have options. I will write that post... but for now, I'm just expressing gratitude that my body IS resilient and I took the time/money to memorialize how I looked (and felt) at a very serious crossroads in my life.