I hope it's a well known fact that I love to read. I have spent the last couple of years trying to increase my yearly total (and yes, sometimes I include young adult fiction to boost my numbers!) Reading is a great escape, informant and way to "waste" time when bound to the couch. The chemo fatigue is catching up with me and usually for the week after an infusion, just standing is enough to tire me out. So reading soothes my anxiety and helps to get through the hours that I would otherwise be thinking about all that I wish my body would let me do.
This first book was included in my free tote from the WNY Breast Cancer Network - I can't express enough how reading through medical terminology has calmed my nerves. Even before bedtime! One of my methods of dealing with a cancer diagnosis has been to take the personal aspect out of it. I certainly cried a lot at first, wondering why this was happening to me. But once I stepped back and viewed my treatment as something that was happening to my body, and not ME (my soul, my identity), it has helped immensely. I can read about my symptoms or treatments or surgical options without feeling like I am being attacked. I have an illness, one that could be far worse, and there is a ton of research about it. And oddly enough, Google has been soothing to me as well. I worry about the current step (what will this chemotherapy drug do to me? Neuropathy? Allergic reaction?). I also worry about my future with hormone therapy, menopause and the multitude of side effects that I could be dealing with for the next decade. But I actually sleep better when I read about these things and the medical rationale for whatever drug is prescribed next. Taxol clings to cancer cells in a different way than the previous chemo drugs - it is prescribed for longevity and prolonged survivability. The estrogen blockers that I will need to take will change my body's chemistry in a way, making it less hospitable to cancer. These are the things I need to read to sleep at night!
This next book was picked up at the library sale. If there's anything I'm not, it's reclusive. I thrive on interaction and pride myself on relationships. But I found this story of a man who lived alone in the woods for 27 years to be amazing. I get it, in a way. The open pockets of time, the connection with nature, the pure nothingness of his existence. His only downfall was that he needed to steal from nearby cabins to survive - he was not prepared to hunt or sustain himself. It was an interesting lesson on hermits throughout history and why they are so intriguing to the rest of us.
And this last book is one that needs not much of an introduction. I enjoyed Michelle's first book slightly more, but I love her way of explaining her life and what's important to her. Mainly, relationships. It's a "how to" on making connections and putting yourself out there as an adult. We're all so afraid of embarassing ourselves or being the first one to ask a new friend to coffee... fearful of rejection. Imagine being middle aged with small children, leaving your career and still realizing you need Mom friends while moving into the White House (and fearing that any new person could quickly turn to the tabloids to spill your secrets). The fear could be paralyzing.
It reaffirms what I believe is our own responsibility to nurture friendships - I don't understand how some adults think they happen otherwise? Be the one to reach out in a text or remember someone's birthday. My current stressful situation has only been sustained by my relationships. People actively showing they care, and I hope I can reciprocate in the same way.
And as for any books I've read, they are always up for grabs and I'm happy to mail one in your direction. Except for my Breast Bible - I need those statistics and surgical options to sleep at night.
No comments:
Post a Comment