Words and Good Intentions

I got my cancer diagnosis on a Monday and we had told most people we needed to directly contact within a week. Oh how bad news brings out our most secret fears, desires and emotions! And with the powerlessness of it all... We want to say something, do something, do anything to make it better. But we are all just human - doing our best to understand ourselves and others. 

Most of our family and friends are very intuitive, kind and know us well enough to say the "right thing". As if the right thing or words can change my situation. But it's what we do and how we relate. 

I wish there was a better way to gain true empathy than going through the pain personally. Because I now know, only a few weeks into this diagnosis, that I didn't do enough for friends going through the same thing. I didn't understand the fear, the anxiety or the perpetual stress this causes. 

I'm getting better at sharing the news and not breaking down entirely. I'm getting better at receiving what others are able to give, even if it's nothing at all. I'm going to try and get better at communicating exactly what I need. 

I have included a link to an article breaking down some basic what to say and what NOT to say to a person who has been diagnosed with cancer, or with any illness really! It's pretty solid advice. And what's "right" for some might not be "right" for all. I may develop a better sense of humor about this later - but I'm not there yet! Nor am I ready to see any positive spin! 

https://www.roswellpark.org/cancertalk/201603/what-not-say-cancer-patient

A friend was so honest in her response that (1) she didn't know what to say or how to organize for this and (2) tried to tone down the toxic positivity/gratitude. That's all I need - honesty. I know we WANT to believe that all will work out and it will be fine... But it might not be! It might take a long time to feel normal and whole again. 

I'm hot and cold, angry and in disbelief and also very frustrated that every "anti cancer" dietary recommendation is basically what I already do. This is random and for whatever reason, my body failed to stop cancer from forming. 

BUT - every item that has been sent in the mail or kind message has been a life boat. From a simple "I love you" card to the f$&k cancer socks and tshirts, the craft projects, books, candy, stuffed animals, Miss Piggy shirt, quilt from a church ministry, healing jewelry, tangible advice, organic vitamins and personal medical experiences - I see all of you and our connection. I do appreciate it, even if it can't change the circumstances. We are surrounded by so many thoughtful, loving people. 

As for the medical update: 

This is hopefully our last weekend of waiting. I've had every scan and biopsy they've asked for. We know that I don't have any other masses in my body, but there are cancer cells detected in my lymph nodes on my right side. So when we say caught "in time" - we're right on the cusp. Chemotherapy is absolutely going to happen - I just don't know the duration and drug that will be chosen by my doctors. 

Good news is that I do not have the BRCA gene mutation, which is even better news for my children and my brother. Annoying news is that we don't know the WHY cancer decided to grow and was permitted to grow in my body.