Life is Short & Other Unhelpful Advicea

I listened to a podcast listing the 10 truths a breast cancer survivor shared about her healing - and I feel like the words could have come right out of my mouth. The lack of understanding for what survivorship means and the lack of comprehension for what this disease does to a body. Worst case scenario is death. (Well, honestly that may not be the worst.) In medium case scenarios - you now live in a body that has had vital parts of you amputated. You take medications that leave you fatigued and achy.

1. The cancer is never "done". It is a wraith that follows you, making you wonder if and when it has returned. Because you now know it's completely out of your control. 

2. Your knowledge about health, diet and exercise is heightened.... But also useless. There are dudes on YouTube telling you to eat a raw diet when he had a completely different type of cancer and yours feeds on the natural hormones in your body. Being "aware* of osteoporosis when the medication you have to take *CAUSES* osteoporosis, isn't really helpful at all!

3. Think think think before you tell a cancer survivor to be strong. What does that mean exactly? Don't ask for too much help? Don't let yourself cry over your mortality? Don't admit that you think this is bullshit? When we hear "you're so strong" - I at least hear "you're only allowed to be strong. We will not let you slip up." I was strong because I had to be. I am strong because who exactly is going to pick up the pieces if I fall apart? 

4. We will never be the same. I cannot go back to an innocence about my health or my mortality. Every shitty thing that happens to us creates a little divide from other people... It's just the truth. I know what it's like to have cancer, when many are oblivious. I know what it's like to lose a parent, been there since I was 17. Empathy can only go so far - so you live with a grief and a personal knowledge that a bulk of people around you don't get. And when you are punished or considered difficult for no longer being who you were before a doctor said "you have cancer", you are further isolated. 

5. Some people run towards you and some run away - and I am not in the mental space yet to NOT take that very personally. If my brush with death wasn't enough for you to consider my humanity or to let go of your petty expectations for me... How else am I supposed to interpret that? My life feels pretty damn personal.