An Update - Six months into the "Rest of My Life"

While I think about writing almost every day - I just haven't made the time lately. One of my last big posts was about starting my targeted cancer medications - Verzenio and Anastrozole. I was worried about side effects and it felt more daunting to think about how long I'd have to put up with them. (Two years for V and ten years for A) As well as the permanent changes. 

How it started? High anxiety and possibly too much use of Google and message boards. 

How it's going? I've gotten to take one Verzenio break, before and after my fat grafting procedure in April. It causes low white blood cell count and difficulty in fighting off infections - so it's recommended to stop for surgery or dental work.. It was like a mini vacation for major work done on my body... So not really a win/win situation. 

V can cause a variety of issues - it works to target any circulating cancer cells in the body. The medicine kind of recognizes any fast growing cells, like your hair, mouth tissue, and anything in your digestive track. It's a lot like chemo but not chemo. I was terrified that I'd have extreme aversion to fresh fruits & vegetables, as I'd read a lot of women saying that happened to them. That didn't happen - but other foods tend to bother me and my appetite is scarce. I did need to lose some steroid weight but was starting to get concerned when my weight kept dropping, without any real gain to muscle or strength. 

I was also exhausted - all of the time. Yes, there's the general "I'm a mother of five and I work and we drive to activities every night" tired, but this was "need to lay down and take a nap every day tired". I'd work for 4-5 hours at my sewing job, which is not physically tiring and need to lay down. I'd be driving to pick Delphine up from school and feel like I couldn't do it. 

I had been also reading a lot about studies coming out that V is just as effective at a lower dose. The initial trials had people taking 200 mg twice a day and then the most comprehensive trial went down to 150 mg twice a day. (That's what I started with). By May, however, I couldn't do it anymore. A discussion was had, QOL (quality of life) was written in my chart and the dosage was reduced to 100 mg twice a day. 

Game changer. I still have days where I need Zofran for nausea and my *stomach issues* are not completely gone... But I don't feel like I'm slowly wasting away. While I feel like science is the answer to curing cancer, there's something to be said for having the ability to function and exercise and eat an adequate amount of nutrition every day. 

The other drug is an aromatase inhibitor. This goes hand in hand (or pill in hand with needle in stomach) with my ovary suppression shot. I'm in menopause, but need to stay in menopause... So we tell my poor ovaries by medical injection to not reawaken every month. I don't feel that I've had any issues with this shot: knock on wood and thank you universe! Drug A stops my body from absorbing estrogen that is produced in other parts of my body. Hormones are kind of fascinating once you've read a thousand articles about them. 

Menopause is a bitch. Sometimes I'm really angry that I got a jump start on it at this age. Problems with your bones, muscle retention, skin, hair, eyesight, mental clarity, etc. Expected weight gain, joint pain and sorry TMI - possible issues with all lady parts, including your bladder. What a disservice the medical industry has done to ignore the symptoms almost every woman will encounter in her life. For a very large portion of her life, if fortunate enough to live that long. 

With that disclaimer, I think I'm managing ok. I take tart cherry and collagen and I've been really trying to make weight lifting or resistance a part of my life. I have joint pain and my feet always hurt. I take vitamin D and have gone crazy with dairy consumption. I had a dexa scan of my spine and hips before starting any of these meds and won't have another one for two years, unless it's warranted. In the meantime, you just hope your efforts can stop osteoporosis. 

And I can't tell if my scattered thoughts are Mom brain, normal in my 40s brain or medicine/menopause brain. I've been meditating more often to help me avoid that panicked thought process that we all face. The one where you think about everything you need to do at once and slightly freak out. 

The biggest challenge of the last six months has been absorbing all of the trauma of a cancer diagnosis. This is the part where a lot of people feel lost and overwhelmed. I feel a lot of personal pressure to do absolutely everything right: get the perfect amount of sleep, exercise, avoid stress, say yes to broccoli, say no to bacon, challenge my brain, cultivate gratitude and get to the depths of my feelings about it all. 

I feel like some people treated me as if it was time to turn off the cancer switch on 2024 and I was ALL BETTER now! While I don't want my identity to be cancer person... I am forever altered. I know several people whose breast cancer has returned after several years and you can't turn off that anxiety. We can only control so much. So I've been learning in the past six months how to keep up with my medications, keep up with my family and keep the rest of the nonsense out.