Relationships Are like Customer Service Reviews

Hi. Happy New Year. 

Its 2024. Not the hellscape 2023. Not all of last year was bad - I had little breaks of sanity and enjoyment and travel peppered in with moments of sheer terror, grief and physical pain. Maybe we all experienced that in a way. But it's 2024 and I want it to be a good one. One for healing and refreshing the browser and eliminating things that I don't need. 

I want simplicity. Clearing the clutter in my house and the cycles in my brain. And honestly, closing bad relationship cycles as well. 

So my title is a weird metaphor for relationships and customer service. Let me explain. In the world of reviews for businesses - it's hard to get anyone who has an average experience to take the time to rate their service or write an online comment. Average service is basically washed out. You got what you asked for and nothing more. 

 Bad service gets a lot of attention, obviously. We want everyone to know which businesses should be avoided and which ones scammed us. But, if we have a bad experience and it's FIXED - we are usually happier with that business than if nothing negative had occurred at all. 

Having a problem and then overcoming it usually makes us more loyal to a business, more vocal and more likely to give high ratings. 

I think this is the same with relationships. 

We're all looking for connection, or at least I am. I value deep relationships that are authentic. Authentic in the way that you can discuss a lot of topics and be honest. You can share your feelings and know that it will be held in confidential space. You can voice frustrations without it turning into defensiveness or gaslighting. You can give and take feedback. You can say the ugly things out loud. 

Since all of us are incredibly different - I think these relationships take time and often mistakes. Feelings get hurt. We don't understand each others' motivations or histories. We don't have the same communication styles. And some people are just not going to give you much to work with! 

I'm trying to get better with expectations. I wish that others valued communication, as a way to stay connected. Or maybe they just don't feel the need to express it? I often wonder if people think they have good relationships with me, when I think they've completely dissolved. Do they have the same thoughts or do they think everything is just fantastic? 

When the relationship is either long term or familiar enough that you've had conflict, there's going to be the need to give and get feedback. (This is where I hope I finally explain my metaphor). Someone says something hurtful, someone doesn't return a text (or 10). And maybe like at a business, you say something. You complain. You have the wrong order at your emotional restaurant and you want it fixed! How that person responds is so freaking important. And not just once, but maybe you weigh the averages of the last five encounters. 

If/when you say the wrong thing or you miss something important - being open to feedback is the path to enlightenment. Love is shown through actions, not the words "I love you" and then nothing else that is trustworthy or kind. And maybe it can't be "fixed" to a five star review status... But we're going to be happier and more willing to come back if that person (or business) at least *attempts* to fix it. I know I feel more connected, more empathetic, more "satisfied with my experience" when I feel heard. And I hope I'm getting better at providing those services myself! Being a parent and spouse and child and sibling and friend and co-chair and extended relative and member of the Girl Scouts... I think I'm headed more towards 3.5 Star review than I was before. 

Mistakes are made, dumb things are said. People act out of bad habits. I know this. But the businesses I no longer want to patron are the ones that double down on mediocre service. Sorry, we ran out of your favorite dish again and didn't change any of our inventory/behavior to try and do better! 

Thanks for reading my ridiculous post about comparing take-out and unmet emotional needs.