Snowspective - WEATHER!!!

 Move to Buffalo, they said - it will be fun, they said! 

It's April 28th, 2022 and it was below freezing this morning. Snow on the soccer fields and frost on the car windshield. We've already had our first sunburns of the season. Flip flops are readily available but so are the winter coats and gloves. Luckily my phone tells me the outside temperature so I don't go skipping out into the biting winds in my yoga capris. 

One of my favorite clips from the more recent Muppet show is Animal having a conversation with a human, basically yelling, "Traffic! Weather! Traffic!!" - because that's basically what we do as adults. Complain about the weather (no matter what it is) and talk about driving in our vehicles. WEATHER! TRAFFIC! It's Cold! It's too hot. It rained. It was sunny, then it snowed. Then I made the mistake of putting away snow pants and now it's MY fault that the weather went to shit again. 

WEATHER! 

Now that you've thought about it, you'll never be able to un-think it when a coworker or your neighbor starts up the conversation with, "Oh, this weather is too much"... You'll hear Animal yelling WEATHER! WEATHER! in your head. 

 I know it's our need to bond or need something to say - but it really is pointless to complain. I know I hit my deepest/lowest spot (my winter nadir) in February. I knew a lot of people escaping to Florida. My work didn't have the traditional Feb week off and there were ice crystals on my kitchen windows. I fully felt sorry for myself, mostly because a vacation had been cancelled and I struggle not having something to look forward to. I willingly moved to Buffalo and love it 95% of the time, but there's always that moment where the weather (WEATHER!) feels like an icy cold hand touching the back of your neck. The day where it feels personal and you'll never ever see sunshine again. 

Fast forward a few months, and I somehow had the mental capacity to deal with this last winter punch in the face. As in, this better be the last of it. I was fortunate enough to take a warm vacation over spring break and even though I came home to sleet and snow (then sunshine and more snow) - I at least have a recent memory of sunglasses and sand on my feet. 

Plus I live with a toddler who is excited about the WEATHER! no matter what. So yesterday, when we awoke to snow and he excitedly yelled, "Look at the snow!" - it kind of takes the sting out of it. At least a little bit. 

A Goodbye Dream

 A friend who was part family, part me. I never texted to ask, "When's your flight? Lets make sure to get a drink together." Because you were going to be there, we WERE going to have a drink. You would already be in the kitchen, with a genuine smile on your face, ready to give me a huge, enveloping hug. The beginning of nearly every family function for the last twenty years - "Oh good, Luke's here!" I wish I paid more attention to the how and why you got there, got anywhere.

 We were both guests in that kitchen - it wasn't our home, we didn't grow up there. We met there more than other common places later in life. Earlier life it was in the halls of St. Stephen's or more specifically, the NARTHEX. Definitely had to look that up. The narthex of the Church, where parents took too long to say hello/goodbye and we were there in periphery. Or at the summer pool, both of us splashing with our age appropriate friends and waiting it out during adult swim. Probably for only one year in our lives, were we in the same school building. We rode in cars together, both catching rides home from my future husband and your loyal friend. 

 As if holidays weren't hard enough remembering those we can no longer celebrate with - this day last year was the last time I absently sent a stupid picture, a passing message to you. Last Thanksgiving was bland due to quarantine - but that doesn't mean we couldn't send dumb Snapchats right? Maybe we made you smile with our heads turned into dancing turkeys.

 And then you were gone. I remember reading the text and losing all strength in my legs. Knowing that I had to share the awful news. So in our close periphery, all of those moments we were in the same place at the same time, those times are over. I can't ever just assume to see you again. 

 Fast forward several weeks - of confusion, heartache, and what felt like crying in my sleep; I finally had a dream. You were in it and it felt like your goodbye. 

We showed up at this familiar house, our mutual family. It was a wedding of some sort and people were crowding the hallways, sitting room, talking... doing the scan of the room. Yep, there's Grandma, there's that family, that Uncle, those cousins you haven't seen since the last wedding. All smiles and settling in. We wave at each other because the hug will come later - when we've moved through the greetings. 

But THEN - there's a patriot in the crowd! It's time for the pledge of Allegiance! We all have that family member (or ten) that is unabashedly themselves, and not shy to do some strange things. That Uncle has called for all of us to stand up and say the pledge of Allegiance to our Nation's flag! For a brief second, our eyes met in the reflection of a mirror on the wall and your look said EVERYTHING that I was thinking. "Uhh, this is weird but I'm going to go along with it... hand over heart... haha 'Murica... why NOW?". In an instant, I was seen, understood and we knew we would laugh about it for years to come. 

And then I woke up. That was it. 

It's not as if I needed a story to explain what you meant to me - but this puts it all together in a neat little package. It really could have happened and in my humble opinion of how I wish the universe worked... it could still happen. I'll meet you again somewhere, in some life and we'll laugh at how strange other people are.