It may be below freezing outside...

...but it is certainly spring inside!

 I might be getting too ambitious, but without an outside job to keep my mind preoccupied - I have big dreams for our garden this year. Seedlings for broccoli, cauliflower, black simpson lettuce, mesculin lettuce, parsley, sunflowers, spinach, bell pepper, sugar snap peas and cucumber are growing quickly in our basement flourescent light set-up.

The pea pods always sprout quickly, but where are you red onion?

Ayla's seeds... unfortunately, we forgot to label them!

 Add the carrot and radish seeds that are going to be planted outside and the crazy heirloom seeds I just bought online (blue pole beans that turn from blue to green when you cook them and an indoor coffee plant that you can then roast the seeds!) and hopefully we'll have our own urban homestead this summer.

 Let's hope our landlords like berry bushes better than grass!

Dinner, Courtesy of the Food Network

 I've been rocking the dinner table since my new subscription to the Food Network Magazine has been gracing our mailbox. Not to pat myself on the back or anything.

 With the recent change to full-time "working from home" motherhood (as in, I don't get paid for this!), I've been focusing my efforts on (1) saving money and (2) having some sort of plan when I walk in the grocery store. Studies show that families spend less money shopping for food when they are following a menu plan or buying specifically for meals. It's true! How many times have I dropped $100 at the store and come home to nothing but snacks, Vitamin Water and tater tots? How about all of the time - before moving to Buffalo and writing a list every time I go to the store.

 I envy the women (and men, too - although I literally stared at the one guy I saw poring through coupons in the yogurt section... I've never seen a man so intent on getting the best bargain,) who have the insight to look through the store circular and then plan their meals according to what is on sale. Someday I'll get there - dream big!

But anyways, what I love about this magazine is that they divide the recipes into weekday vs. weeknight cooking. How smart - because I've gotten myself halfway through complicated recipes on a school night only to have grumpy, starving children with no patience for my wonton making skills. We've had homemade pretzels, Tilapia Milanese, Thai Pork with rice noodles, refrigerator fudge, to name a few. It satisfies my need to try something creative in the kitchen without getting too ridiculous and having to search for banana leaves.

 The magazine also includes a mini tear-out booklet of 50 ways to modify or use one type of recipe. What could be better than fifty different ways to make nachos or smoothies or uses for pesto? I have two huge bindersof magazine recipes (one that includes recipes I have successfully made and others that I'm still saving for when I have the time to make flaxseed crackers from scratch.) I haven't torn out a single page of this magazine because I want to save the whole thing.

 I'm sure this is a win-win venture for the Food Network since they have a ridiculous archive of recipes already and all the celebrity chef power working for them. It's certainly working for me! I don't know if/how much money we have saved, but the fact that we have dinner figured out on a daily basis is saving my sanity, little by little.

Who you think you are...

 I once took a "sensitivity training" seminar at work and I remember the speaker asking a really interesting question:

What is it that you fear other people assume about you? 

 Where is the disconnect between what you believe yourself to be, and what others perceive to be true? If you were to pick one quality in a person and hope that others don't think that about you - what would it be?

 I've been thinking a lot about this lately during some soul searching and the realization that now in a new city, I've got to put myself out there and make friends. I have to go through all of the uncomfortable meet and greets with other preschoolers parents and my neighbors and even the staff at the closest grocery store.

 All the while, as we are trying to make good first impressions, other people have already made assumptions about who we are based on our clothes, families, race, gender, facial expression, car; it goes on and on. Some of the choices we make are based on putting out a certain image and some choices project something completely against what we truly believe ourselves to be. It's like buying a luxury car because it is top rated for safety... but everyone that sees you driving it thinks you are a pompous superficial jerk. (Not my situation though, although the Honda minivan is pretty luxurious to me.)

  Personally, it always drives me insane when a friend later tells me that they thought I was an indulged Sewickley snob or a primadonna. Why, when everything I feel and believe goes against those attributes, would anyone think those things about me? Okay, growing up in Sewickley - I'll give people that one. It's a beautiful,safe and overly wealthy community. Does that mean I've ever lived without a concern for money? No way.

 Is it my blonde hair, female body (and the assumption that I only obsess about shoes and handbags), relative youth or preppy clothes? I just like to wear classic stuff! And I either bought it at the thrift store or 75% off at Target. I hate when people give me a hard time, assuming that I don't know what its like to go through bad times. My life has been blessed in many ways - but I've also seen some pretty horrible shit. Just because I have it relatively together, does not imply that I have lived a flaky, easy, superficial or materialistic life.

 What bothers you? Do you hate it when someone says, "I never pegged you for a Republican/Democrat/accountant/artist/chef/mother/father/whatever."? Do you wonder what they thought you should be?

It's like Ayla on Repeat

Instead of everyone commenting that Elliot looks like me or Gregory or any one of our siblings (except you, Eve, even though I wish I could birth an Asian child... I just don't think my wildest dreams will come true!) - they are saying that he looks like Ayla. 

 It's true, especially when I dress him in pink - which is a frequent occurrence. But he really does look just like Ayla did as a baby. Our genes skipped around a bit and Jackson is just his own man, truly unique from the beginning. Elliot may have updated the Stanton/Abell look with some dimples and a birthmark, but sometimes the similarities are unnerving. Watching Elliot develop month to month, and as he uses each recycled toy, it's a little hint of Ayla all over again.

 Can you see it?

Hipster Highchair

How did we find ourselves with three kids and needing a high chair? One would think that we have every necessary baby accessory by now. But during this move, the high chair we'd used with Ayla and Jackson was left behind. It was a beautiful wooden (antique?) chair that had weathered the biter biscuits, yogurt and smooshed pasta. Before Elliot was born, Gregory's father thoroughly cleaned and refinished it.... leaving it in much nicer condition than our children did. And now that Gregory's parents are grandparents four times with babies visiting often - that beautiful highchair should stay at their house.

Unfortunately, that meant we had to buy a highchair! And I was not excited about the prospect of dropping the absurd amounts of money that highchairs require. $300!!! - no way, I could get a new washer for that! I thought about using our swing as an alternative... but it has toys attached to the tray and Elliot was more interested in eating those than his pureed carrots. I had hopes that we could forgo the chair and just hold him while he eats, but that is an insanely messy endeavor.

 Do you see now that I am cheap? Plus, this is too late to be making a major baby investment. I won't say Elliot is our last baby for sure (because if I declared that to the world, I'd be pregnant with twins in a minute as punishment), but I'd rather not spend money on things that we only need for a year.

 Finally, I found something on ToyRUs.com that seemed reasonable, the cute Inglesina table chair. It's perfect! The price point was a perfect compromise for me. I can spend $60 on a little chair that fits on our table at home, but can be easily taken off and travel with me to restaurants. I used it twice during my last visit to Pittsburgh and everyone in restaurants was intrigued.

 Elliot loves sitting with us at the table, as well as his opportunities to grab at everyone else's plates. It is surprisingly secure, not like past models that children used when I was growing up. Apparently those table chairs dropped to the floor constantly... a funny prospect when it's happening to someone else, but not my Elliot!

 Two drawbacks:

 (1) It doesn't fit on every table. I couldn't fit the "legs" all the way under the table trim at Azul's, but attached it to the table edge instead. Most parents wouldn't be comfortable with that, but I sat underneath Elliot to catch him in a disaster... but it held for the 45 minutes I needed it to!

(2) To secure the twist-tight coupling, you have to turn it LEFTY-tighty, RIGHTY-loosey. Now that messes with your brain!

  And while I wouldn't call it a drawback, Elliot loves kicking and bouncing in this little chair. His excitement shakes our Ikea table and spills drinks constantly. Oh well, I'll take spilled coffee over spending hundreds of dollars on a huge highchair anytime.

Things Gregory says in his sleep...

JUST KIDDING!

(Gregory gets mad at me for messing with him as he falls asleep... saying, "What? Huh? Say that again?" I wouldn't be so cruel to post what he says on my blog. But I am cruel enough to joke about it!)

Weathering the Seasons

 In the parenting section of our new library, I found an interesting topic: the seasons of parenthood. The process of becoming a parent (whether it be by natural birth, adoption, remarriage, etc.) changes people in profound ways and the journey changes pretty much day by day. The authors focus on how parents come to terms with each age bracket their children go through, up until the day that roles reverse and children take care of their parents. The constant change in children's needs and the resulting dynamics between partners and all of the subconscious beliefs that mothers and fathers push onto their expectations of their family life... wow! Being a parent, a conscious parent that is, is really hard. And it stresses every aspect of your life. This book was a little bit like therapy: someone outside of my direct circle telling me it is okay to be completely overwhelmed sometimes.

 That being said, I only read the first four chapters. The book is called The 8 Seasons of Parenthood: How the Stages of Parenting Constantly Reshape Our Adult Identities. Amazon.com has some great reviews here. The book has to be back at the library tomorrow and I'm only ready to face what happens into the elementary school years. Assuming that I haven't gone mental by their teenage years...I'm going to need a lot more than one book.

   Here is what I know the first years of parenthood to be:

  (1) During pregnancy, a woman enters the celebrity state. Everyone notices her, everyone wants to talk to her (or worse, touch and ask intimate questions of her). She basks (or despises) the new attention; and therefore it changes the way people view her. In my opinion, this is where outside scrutiny and judgement begin. A woman usually has to drastically change her behaviors when becoming pregnant, whereas her partner doesn't have to really change a thing. Unless a woman was already caffeine, alcohol and nitrate-free; she has some big adjustments. Her partner is referred to as the roadie (see what I mean about the cheesy terms?) and must now make an ego check to get used to their partners' new status. This is just the beginning of change for some couples and their families. Or everyone can just be cool and go with the flow - it's been known to happen.

 (2) The first year of a child's life is the sponge stage.  Life is saturated and consumed with this new little person and their intense, ongoing care. I've found that parents react very differently to this first year. I feel that Gregory and I were unnaturally easygoing with Ayla as our first child. I didn't ask anyone to wash their hands when holding her or tiptoe around the house or pledge their undying devotion to her. It was our job as parents to live and die for her - and I understood that not every other person was going to feel that way about my baby. But regardless, she consumed my every thought and I became aware of that "heart outside your body" feeling that happens when you are crazy in love with a baby. Everything a newborn needs is put before your own needs. The sponge stage can also be really hard on fathers/partners because all of a sudden, they have to adjust their lives. Sleep is interrupted for the first time (unless sleeping next to a pregnant person in bed was difficult, which of course it can be!) and life is again, turned upside down. While a woman had 10 months to prepare because her body was taken over... a partners life doesn't really get crazy until this first year.

(3) The preschool years turn you into a family manager. Pretty self-explanatory - except that not only are you managing a schedule, meal times, school, diapers, potty training, manners, etc., you are managing your own identity (or return of one) after a long time with no free time. This is where I get scared for mothers and fathers that completely throw their own social lives away with newborns. It's hard enough to watch our kids grow up  - but if you've based your entire identity on that child needing you... things can get a little depressing. Most important lesson of this stage? The only control you have is self-control. Amen. When you can't leave a room without one kid smacking the other or markers drawn all over the wall - it feels good to know you can at least control yourself. Umm, at least some of the time.

(4) And elementary school - you are the travel agent. I don't quite know how this is going to be done in our household. I was essentially an only child for the first six years of my life (my brother is 8 years older than me and could handle his extracurricular activities). So when I took ballet, swim classes, art classes, piano, etc., my parents could focus on those things and not really be torn about which child is going to be able to do which activity. How are we going to have Ayla, Jackson and Elliot pursue all of their extra classes and sports?

  The authors took some of the metaphors too far and used cheesy summations with their seasons vocabulary, but overall this book was both eye-opening and validating.