My Suburban Mom Crystals and Woo Woo Healing

My kids make fun of me for being a millennial on a daily basis, even though I'm not technically in that generation. If my outfit is lame? Millennial mom fashion. If I make a bad music selection? Uggh, so millennial. But the worst is when I start talking about crystals, the chakras in the body and Reiki. I bring it on myself, but that's when the teenagers start ripping on me that I'm just like every other white suburban millennial woman. Especially when I start to tease them that I'm dipping my foot into witchcraft and drinking moon water.

But I disagree! I don't think most adult women my age are *that* into crystals. Or Reiki. Or are they? Any input from my friends in this category?!? 

Since my surgery last December - I have taken a big step towards completing my active treatment and reconstruction. Anything can change, but my treatment continues to be some oral medications and upcoming transfusions for bone health. I'm not "done" EVER, but I'm also not preparing for the next surgical event. That's when the mental healing really needed to begin. All of 2023 was pure crisis mode and I let a lot of boundaries slide. But survivorship and my new frantic sense of time has changed me in ways that I'm still finding surprising. I have no tolerance for unequal relationships. I have no space to manage others emotions. I have taken really big steps back to focus on taking better care of myself. I need to find my own strength and be my own support in places where I've been habitually put in third or fourth place. People that have always been in crisis mode themselves and I have spent a lot of my life reacting to harmful behavior and trying to find my own sense of peace. 

My reading and podcasting this year has focused a lot on emotional health, family dynamics, reparenting myself and woo woo stuff like self healing through Reiki and chakras. I don't believe that any of it is more important than proven therapies like chemo or good nutrition - but there's a lot to be discovered or understood about the minds effects on the body. 

I went for Reiki one level training in February and it was fascinating. This is after I had an amazing Reiki session at a cancer retreat (Mary's Place by the Sea) in January. The practitioner was a nurse who added Reiki to her healing. When in a session, the healer typically works from head to toe - checking in with chakra centers: crown, throat, solar plexus, etc. She went over my throat several times and asked if I'd be trying to say something important. 

The answer is: YES I HAVE. To put it generally, I have tried to explain my new challenges about cancer and survivorship and ways I was trying to protect myself to a few people in my life... And not only were they not understanding, they were aggressively uncaring. The "new" me was rejected. I was frustrated that I've been given very little grace to even think about freaking out that my mortality was/is threatened and how difficult it is to live in my body now. Menopause aches and pains, PTSD, trauma, grief, fear. All of the things that may not LOOK like cancer, but certainly cause a lot of anxiety and sadness. The basic response was that I'm arrogant, selfish and since I don't look sick, I should just return to normal. Hah!! There is no fucking normal. 

So I'd desperately been trying to explain myself. Which was showing up in my throat chakra. I've also learned since then that it is the gateway for problems or imbalances that are happening in lower chakras and it manifests through the throat too. 

I see some of my mistakes now, that I was over communicating. I won't make that mistake again. I have really stopped trying to explain myself or my motivations - and now my answers will simply be yes or no or that doesn't work for me. I know who actually is willing to listen and those that just want access. 

And let me talk about my new appreciation for crystals ! Delphine and I had an amazing trip to Arizona where my Aunt & Uncle took us to Sedona. I had no idea is it a spiritual mecca and we learned a lot about crystals and stones. That's where I picked up my Amazonite bracelet, which is meant to help clear the throat chakra. I wear it every day as a reminder to think slowly and clearly about whether I'm speaking up to appease someone else or if I'm fully justified in protecting my sacred little family. 

I've also started to wear rose quartz over my heart to help it heal. To help myself remain open when I've really felt blindsided. It's very easy for me to hang on to hurt because I haven't had the greatest experiences where those that hurt or betrayed me showing any remorse or need to change. We're supposed to let people be who they are, right? I'm trying to hang on to the belief that people aren't mean spirited on purpose... Hard in the world today. 

What's next? A few books about Buddhism and Jungian psychology are on my list. Maybe I'll get a Tibetan singing bowl and start rolling in the grass in my yard! Who knows!?! All I know is it can't hurt me. And if I'm already embarrassing my children with chakra candles and crystals - I might as well make a true spectacle of myself!! 

What Squishmallows Mean to Me

We live in a home nearly filled to the brim with stuffed animals, toys, stuffies, Barbies and Squishmallows. I can blame part of the clutter on five children.. but if I'm being honest, a LOT of these items are special to me. Many of the stuffed animals are mine! Looking at you Sesame Street beanie babies! We have a large Big Bird that has been with us since before we were married. I'm basically a large child looking for excuses to buy more stuffed animals. 

The recent trend with Squishmallows might be the hardest because they are huge!! I know friends that have developed entirely new storage solutions to deal with the influx. They are soft and the perfect amount of squish. 

After my most recent reconstructive surgery in December - my tissue expanders were replaced with the "final" implants (I don't want to jinx my luck because implants can fail or leak or become infected at any given time). The hardest adjustments I've had to make since August 2023, with my mastectomy, is learning new sleep patterns. Every single night, I attempt to move back into my most comfortable position. I could sleep soundly with my arms above my head and on my stomach..  that's just been impossible and uncomfortable since then. Every. Single. Night. My body tries that position and fails. 

After the mastectomy, I had drains and severe stiffness. Imagine how C3PO would lay down... That's how I felt. After each fat grafting procedure, I also had pain in either my stomach or sides. I tried pillows propped between my knees and wedges and a large body pillow I could twist. The most useful items I was given were two bolster pillows from the Pink Pillow Project. Filled with microbeads, they gave me support between my sides and my arms. But they have been used and abused! 

Enter the breast cancer scene: Squishmallows!!! I raided the supply in my youngest children's room and voila, my new best friend is Lil Gouda! I can hug him against my chest and still roll from side to side, being annoyed that I can't sleep the way I want... But he's just the right density to help. 

So please, add Squishmallow to the list of "what to buy for the cancer patient in your life".