If you're bored, You're not sick enough to stay home from school

 I don't know at what point in my childhood that my Dad said to me, 

"If you're bored, you're not sick enough to stay home from school" 

But it makes sense. If you're looking at the clock or TV isn't doing it for you, or even if you're awake - you are probably on the mend from what ails you. 

After about 48 hours in the hospital, I'm finally back at that point. I'm also typing with a blood oxygen monitor taped to one of my fingers - so I'm a little bored and also a little annoyed. 

I will backtrack a bit to the last chemo infusion on Monday, May 22nd. It was the first of a new drug, Taxol, that runs about a twenty percent chance of an immediate allergic reaction. I was terrified of breaking out in hives or having difficulty breathing - but none of those things happened. I did get the chemo successfully and went home to weather the side effects. Two days later came the start of a UTI and Wednesdays are the day Gregory gives me the Neulasta shot. 

Now to clear up any confusion - the Neulasta shot is actually a pretty amazing thing. It is given two days after chemo to help your body boost white blood cell production. It's not a cause of infection. Its purpose is to help your body rebound and hopefully protect itself a little bit better while the chemo wears you down. It also comes with side effects. I hadnt experienced any of them until this week - but it can cause severe cramping, body aches and bone pain. 

And oh! I found out what they mean by bone pain! It was mostly in my lower legs, but I felt radiating pain in my lower legs and walking was actually uncomfortable. This isn't entirely surprising as my body must be working harder and harder to "fix" itself. I was experiencing this, a UTI and new symptoms of a radiating, sharp  headache as well. Tylenol, ibuprofen were in steady rotation (as I was later scolded by the doctor - but what's a person to do??)

So I was experiencing a myriad of unpleasantness, but it's not like I've been through chemo before and I don't know what's a standard side effect and then one (or several) to bring to your doctor's attention. But FEVER, That's one we knew was no questions asked, you are headed to the hospital. 

I woke up on Sunday wondering if I'd ever feel human again, was dealing with body chills when I thought to ask Gregory to take my temperature. 102.7 and I knew this shit was a problem. I shed a few tears of self pity, irritation and that general weepiness of several days of not feeling good. We are lucky that we are only 20 minutes from the cancer center (some people travel hours) and went to their assessment center. 

I am impressed by how seriously the doctors take each symptom, but also a little irritated by the redundancy. Yes I still have a headaches but you don't want to give me Tylenol because my liver enzymes are elevated and we don't want to unnaturally bring the fever down and and and.... Cultures came back pretty fast that the infection was the UTI but they need to draw blood from two different spots. Then I'm getting a chest x-ray and then a surprise blood thinner shot in my stomach to prevent clots. Enough! Being sick is irritating and the worst kind of attention. 

This is all a very long story to explain that I have an infection, I needed fluids and antibiotics and don't be like me and wait several days in misery before calling the nurse hotline. I still have some personal work to do to get over my self image as a "healthy" person, at least for the time being. While chemo can sometimes cause an intital fever, there's no way it would do so nearly a week after the infusion. 

The real superstars of the week, as usual, are Gregory for having to watch it all helplessly, My friend for having the kids over t

House Cleaning and Other Happy Happenings

I had an impression of what being in chemotherapy would be like - and I didn't expect the time to pass so quickly. Everything, it seems through the lens of social media (or from any sort of distance), moves faster than what we're comfortable with. Kids grow up and people whose weddings you attended are suddenly approaching 20 year anniversaries! 

So while I thought it would irritate me to hear anyone say, "Oh, you're already halfway there? It happened so fast" - it doesn't. You may not be sitting with me on my bad weekends, while I don't have much energy to get up - but the weeks in between treatments are *almost* normal. 

I thought I'd be laying in bed, counting the days on the calendar. Painfully. With boredom. But living with children, especially a 4 year old, doesn't really allow for brooding and Netflix. 

There have been a lot of really happy happenings here in the past couple of weeks. 

Now - for the first time in my adult life, I'd love to invite everyone over and you can look into every corner of my dining room AND the bathrooms AND the inside of the microwave. I had signed up for a charity called Cleaning for a Reason that matches anyone going through chemotherapy with a cleaning company. They graciously clean your house two times during treatment. We have never, ever hired professional cleaners before. What a novel idea! :) We were matched with Dust 2 Sparkle and having another adult come to the house and clean for 4 hours straight was both strange and delightful. Even if I had the time or energy to devote to cleaning - there is no way I could focus or be so proficient with my allotted time. (And the showers are STILL so clean!) It's been a weight off of my mind. 

Other happenings, unrelated to cleanliness:

We celebrated a certain someone's 43rd birthday in our household. My friend Sharon took me to an ambient sound healing event, where I had my first tarot cards read and then we got to relax for 45 minutes, trying to put our stressed brains into theta mode. My cousin organized a Zoom hat party - a feat in itself to coordinate my family from what I think was nine different states and two different countries. Everyone sent fun hats and accessories, I felt very encompassed with love. 

We have been showered with amazing food through the meal train. My school sent a box of amazing encouraging cards from the 1st and 2nd graders. It was a box filled with virtual hugs!

I know I am missing cards and gifts that were sent - but I almost feel like I need a secretary to help me keep up with the items and when to time my thank you notes. Because if you know me, the thank you notes WILL come your way. It IS the way. 

As for a medical update: I'm not going to declare that I'm halfway through treatment until the nasty side effects are gone from my last dose of The Red Devil & Cytoxin. I'll reach that benchmark some time next week. This past infusion continued to hit hard; I didn't feel fantastic going into it on Monday. I'd had a low grade fever on Sunday (which I did spiral into a bit of a panic over) and feared that I would either need to go to the hospital - they recommend it if you hit 100.4 - or my treatment would be delayed. I felt nauseous and tired during my chemo infusion and came home to sleep it off for abour 16 hours straight. A combination of rest, patience, lots of carbs to satisfy my steroid-induced hunger, hydration and distraction has become my method of getting through what can be sort of a miserable experience. But thank you science for medications and thank you God/Goddess/Universe for all of the good people in my life.